Maybe.
I’ve blogged anonymously for the past few years. That just changed today when I decided to put the link to this blog on my msn.
I might regret this later, but with the drinks still buzzing through me from last night this seems like a damned good idea at the moment. To old readers, it’s been too long.
To new readers and people who know me in real life, you’re welcome. This used to be a blog where I write without holding back. So if explicit writing offends you, don’t continue reading.
Last night was good. I trotted down to St James for a chillout session and ended up leaving the club with offers of guestlist, free mixers, good service and a promise of worthy feminine introductions for my eligible bachelor friends the next time round.
That’s the good part. Other than that, I’ve been feeling like fuck. And only 1 thing can make most of us feel like fuck other than not getting to party often or being unable to find your favorite shirt.
Relationships
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry upon hearing these comments from a few of my closest friends.
The girls
“Oh no..It’s a really shitty Friday for you.”
“So you’re still looking for a valentine’s day gift? That’s so sweet I know what you can buy! There’s a really nice gift I’ve seen at xxx. Or these accessories are the in thing right now!”
“That’s the thing, you Libras are too nice.”
Me: “The next fucker who tells me he’s sending her home when I’m around is going to get my knee in his balls. That nice enough for you babe?”
“You do know you might be crushed if it doesn’t work out right? With a perfectly arched eyebrow to emphasise her point.”
The guys
“Nudge. You gonna queue up and buy for Bak Kwa for her?”
Me: “Queue 4 hours? Fuck you understand. I’d rather spend the 4 hours with her right.”
“Not meeting her today?”
“Na3 de3 qi3. Fang4 de2 xia4. Translated it means, be able to pick up and let go.”
“Bring the new squeeze along sometime!”
“Keep trying!”
I’m grateful for all the company and encouragement. But I honestly am feeling immense pressure. It’s at a point where I can feel my heart physically straining under the stress.
Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I should step back. Maybe I’m not doing enough.
And then I think, I’ve come this far. Maybe I just get crushed knowing that I tried the hardest in my life to build a genuine relationship. Maybe I just might succeed. I don’t know.
And the beauty salon boss today had to top it off.
She: “Your skin looks terrible. Have you been drinking and smoking alot lately?”
Shit it’s hard to hide much from your beauticians.
Me: “It might be the sun. I’ve been at the beach these few weekends.”
She shot me a look of absolute suspicion and went to work on my face. I smirked and wonder if I can get away with finishing up that last bottle at St James tonight. Le sigh.
Good mornin!
A meaningful article to share…:)
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, journalist at The Plain Dealer,
Cleveland , Ohio
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me..
It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once
more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will
this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29.. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”
Its estimated 93% won’t forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title ‘7%’.
I’m in the 7%.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Hush Hush
I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointin’ out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strength
My love for you was strong enough you should’ve known.
I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself, I don’t know why you think you got a hold on me.
And it’s a little late for conversations
There isn’t anything that you can do.
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me, listen to me because,
I don’t want to
Stay another minute
I don’t want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don’t want to
Do this any longer
I don’t want you
There’s nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I’ve already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush
I never needed your corrections
On everything from how i act to what i say
i never needed words, i never needed hurt, i never needed you to be there everyday
I’m sorry for the way i let go
Of everything i wanted when you came along
But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated
I know next to you is not where i belong
And it’s a little late for explanations
There isn’t anything that you can do
Hush hush
