Would you like to help?
This was supposed to be a post about fun but someone else could use this space a whole lot more.
This little girl Charmaine has cancer and the bills are a whopping USD350k for starters. If you’re a fellow blogger or reader who’d to help, even if you don’t have cash do spread the word.
http://www.ourfeistyprincess.com/index.php
Ecstasy
The right time
There’s a right time for doing things, especially serious things. While I love having fun, I can have that anytime.
I’ve been privileged to’ve 2 girlfriends who seriously wanted a future with me but it wasn’t the right time. It hurt me very much to let the first one go, she was such a gem which any guy would’ve been proud of. Despite her back to back schedule as a top company employee, I never felt insecure because she took such steps to make sure I knew she would never be unfaithful.
The second had plans and dreams where she didn’t want to get married too old. She didn’t want to’ve kids at an age where she wouldn’t be able to keep up with them as they grew older. I told her straightforward everytime she mentioned marriage that I had never considered it. She called me selfish, saying I had my own plans which didn’t take hers into account.
I smiled although the words cut me deeply. We all see things differently, through our own shaped experiences and cultures. I saw her having to study for at least 3 more years in a tough course that even I might not be able to pass it all at one shot. I want to get rich enough to be able to support a family well and I would never compromise on that goal. She’s a spender, and I can’t get married to a spender and achieve that goal. She said, we can get engaged first. I said, no. You think marriage is easy? Its easy to get married but can you maintain it? Do you have tens of thousands to renovate your home, enough in your CPF to buy a flat, go for that dream honeymoon? Your family will want your support after you graduate, do you think you can get married with that? I can’t even give my own parent a decent allowance that would make up for what she’s earning right now upon retirement. How do you think I could even consider getting married? I only saw that I wanted her to finish studies for a certain level of income and a stable career. I can see that she’ll never accept what I see. And I can tell that the time may be coming again to be a heartbreaker.
最近还好吗 想念的心开不了口
枯想着妳有没有好好过 担心着妳每天生活
你好吗 最近如何 照顾身体工作加油
我一个人也会勇敢好好过 不让你担心多一秒
Life’s being more tough instead of smooth lately. Its full of ups and downs but sometimes things can get overwhelming and weekends seem too short. Thank goodness for family, friends and facebook. I get a kick of reading what goes on in my friends lives as they update, you know you do too that’s why you love facebooking or blogging.
Finally hauled ass to check out Butter factory at one fullerton, those who used to frequent Centro will know where it is. Music’s not bad but there’s just something nice about having my beer and being able to look at the water outside. The free flow before 11pm was good too, I’m definitely a sucker for free drinks in this economy. Call me cheap but I’m just a salaried guy, good stuff that’s free is music to my ears!
There’re more demands being placed on my shoulders too and in some cases I really don’t like it. Responsibilities are increasing and my weekday nights pass all too quickly now. Rare 3 day weekends are a godsend and I’m looking forward to year end. Can you believe its May already? Fuck…
This is crazy, for me.
Someone sent me this song a few weeks ago and I’m still reflecting on it today.
眼泪 她为你流过 也为自己掉过
对于你们的爱 她总是抱着坚强的笑容
错过那些时间 谢谢她的守候
是时候 紧紧牵她的手 带她到你的城堡里
最近还好吗 想念的心开不了口
枯想着妳有没有好好过 担心着妳每天生活
你好吗 最近如何 照顾身体工作加油
我一个人也会勇敢好好过 不让你担心多一秒
想念着 每天每秒我们故事 每天每秒说好的事
两个人一起散步 是最浪漫的事
你是我的天使 给我力量能够坚持
You’ve cried for me and you would give anything. But I need someone who I know will be strong when I’m not there, that I don’t have to worry about all the time.
You never know how much worry I feel when you fall sick and can’t go to work, yet can go out later the same night night instead of resting and getting well soon. It stresses me out. I’m worried about you, about you losing your job. It makes me unable to concentrate on earning money with the fullest of my ability which is very important at my age. I really need the peace of mind which I haven’t had for a very long while. Doesn’t our talk to decide whether to continue or call off things by mid year hit you hard enough? Coz its on my mind damned often enough.
I just really really want some peace of mind.
Digging out!
I haven’t abandoned this blog! Just been busy sorting stuff out. Its amazing good habits that took ages to cultivate can be destroyed within a short few weeks. So I’m struggling with building those good habits up again. A total bitch I tellya the holes I stumble into sometimes.
Knowing when to retire
I’m not the first person you should come to for moral advice. There’s too many mistakes in my past and I’m no paragon of virtue even today. However there’s always a line to be drawn somewhere, sometime.
I died a little inside upon hearing someone I cared about was having an affair. It happens all the time sure, nothing uncommon. But when you decide to commit the rest of your life to someone, when you sign upon the line, when you say the words for better or worse, in sickness and in health, when you do that, let go of everything else you might have done or be doing. Because for all my failings, I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
Remember what you told me about him. Remember the guy who cried for you, who kept calling your name when he was drunk and embarassing you infront of his mom. Remember your blog title and what it stood for. Remember when you called my friend a player and the derision you might’ve back then. Remember why I admired your faithfulness.
Where did you go wrong? Bad company? I smiled indulgently at you being able to keep up with me in drinks that week, although you probably missed that frown of worry I covered up quickly. Because nobody starts having that kind of alcohol tolerance in a short few months without excessive drinking and partying. “She probably would feel proud if you told her that she could drink well now.”
Proud? At being able to drink well? Fuck that. You should be proud that a guy wanted to walk down the aisle with you. That he wanted to spend a lifetime and grow old with you. What the fuck are you doing when you’re married? Where did you lose your way? The taste of a fling.. fun.. thinking or saying it’ll never happen again. Stop lying to yourself.
Let me put it direct because I’m short tempered lately from lack of sleep and extreme stress on all fronts. You.are.married. We could play around all if we wanted because we’re not. Don’t fuck around here because I don’t think you can afford the price. What price?
The price of your husband finding out, divorcing you. You married him for a reason, put that ring on and swore those vows. Perhaps you need a reminder, a fuckin shitload of it. Don’t give up the 80% of love and family that you’ve now for 20% of fun you want to experience..because you’ll regret losing that 80%. Know when to fold. I hope somebody refers you to read this post of mine. If you hate my harsh words so be it. I’d rather lose you than you lose your family.
Ecstasy theory
“Dating is like dancing” I texted over the phone in reply.
I finally found an answer for myself too in that reply. I’d been flirted with the idea of taking up dance lessons for awhile but there was always something that held me back. Its because I prefer to learn the dance steps of life or more specifically, success. If I did take up salsa or ballroom dancing it would personally do nothing to contribute to my life since that’s not where my true goal lies. Sure I’d trip over your feet, step on you on an actual dancefloor and you might throw a hissy fit at having such a lousy dance partner. But I’d rather be moving to a waltz of success which includes a good lifestyle. Yeah money may not buy everything but it sure can solve lots of things. One answer solved there and thus salsa & ballroom goes back into the closet.
And yes.. the dance steps of dating and life are hard work. Things get more complicated as we grow older, but how much are you actually complicating them unecessarily? Its simple. If I like you, I like you and we’ll do our best to meet life’s challenges by each other’s side. If we did our best and things can’t work out at the last, we can still be friends. If I want to earn lots of moolah, I know that sleepless nights, burnt weekends and being “always on” is part of those steps. Its the innumerable distractions that pull us away from our focus, which is why part of popular self development literature always advocates surrounding yourself with like minded people to achieve your goals.
Yet.. that was only part of my reply. Full answers have an appropriate time and place. If that day ever comes, we’d see how. Else, we might laugh at it older and wiser down the line. Being cryptic in this post ain’t I? Hope you all had an awesome valentine’s! Love.
Happy CNY!
Yes that time of the year we all LOVE is coming. Feasting, gambling and most importantly 2 holidays. I wish you all a very happy chinese new year, don’t hesitate to invite me 
I haven’t done any shopping yet, unless you count socks. Being the paradigm of efficiency when I choose to however, I’ve shortlisted some clothes to buy. But knowing myself, I’ll probably still be shopping on friday heh.
I’ve got something rockin for you again today. The first is by nickleback I’m sure you’ve heard their latest song – Gotta be somebody and here it is!
This time
I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I’ll be waiting for the real thing
I’ll know it by the feeling
The moment when we’re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I’ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up ’til the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with!
Ooh! You can’t give up
When you’re lookin’ for a diamond in the rough
Because you’ll never know when it shows up
Make sure you’re holdin’ on
Check out the full lyrics here it rocks. I’ve always loved rock, my era y’know. Its still not dead. So songs like this put me in a good high.
That’s not all of course. Poetry has always been one of my hallmarks as well and it should be yours too coz poets are the get laid kings of all time. What do you think songs are? Its one of the best forms of storytelling or poetry ever. This one’s to keep you goin and alive no matter what happy or sad stuff you’re going through right now. Its called Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
These days pass too quickly, my life flashes by and people at 16 are winning their first Australian Opens. The miles just keep rolling and time ticks without slowing for anybody. Way too fast for me and I stopped procrastinating on some things.
I exploded into action like a bloom, gathering steam from last December. I tried being a nice person the past 2 years and it became so much a part of me that I lost major edge. Yes there is such a thing as being too nice, it makes you ineffective in dealing with people who’re not so nice. My wit and sarcasm was so dulled that I have to consciously bring it back forth now till it becomes second nature again. That balance of being nasty and nice..hell yeah it feels good to be back babies.
It was a good time too because I took yet another shot at entrepreneurship and you definitely need all your wits about in business. Its a seriously tough road to learn at the start. When people are at home after work I’m working. I lost 5 kg and it pissed me off totally so I started eating more recently and put it all back on.
I’d gym after work at home too, get back close to midnight and only manage to squeeze in 1 or 2 sessions a week. Someone then said “You don’t look like you go to the gym”. I could’ve died right there and then. At least it motivated me to gym even more and eat more. Feed me you fools 
I’m considering learning martial arts, it beats the gym routine and I get to learn a skill too. And I would get to spar! I love the idea of sparring though maybe not so much if I get my ass kicked in the ring.
2009 is a year of learning seriously. I’ve to absorb so much things that sometimes I go like wow what’s happening? Its been awhile since I was this productive after work and I guess clubbing my ass out last year was kinda therapeutic although majorly money wasting.
And I can’t wait for this year to move on. I hope my company does fun team games again. My team were imbalanced so far ahead in points for 2008 that the events committee pumped in a shitload of points for the final year end team game to give others a chance and we ended up losing. Totally imba. And I HATE losing.
Ecstasy out!
…
Crippling headache again. Still gotta turn up for dinner anyhow. Don’t you care? Yeah I’ll smile through dinner for you and make conversation with everyone. But inside I’m wondering why you didn’t ask me to say home and rest instead. At least someone arranged to meet me for shopping after dinner maybe some retail therapy will help my foul mood. I don’t know which is more painful now my head or my emotions. Ouch. Fuck it.
New tricks
There’s an old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. While I’m far from being an old dog, I must admit to being somewhat surprised by how much filters people have nowadays before dating. Agreeing to date someone is now like making a Tiger beer, 160 quality checks with you being the 161st.
A girlfriend was telling me even guys nowadays take more time before asking someone to be their gf. They first look at things like are you the eldest? If you are you probably have more commitment to give back to the family and therefore less $. They also look at whether the girl has finished studies, how long you’ve been working etc etc etc. Now I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, in fact it smacks of forethought which is what does NOT happen most of the time. Its usually more like hey I like you, you like me, lets hookup within the shortest time possible.
Also, taking time to get to know someone before you actually start dating seriously could prevent major repercussions in the future – such as omg this person is such a psycho. Or, shit his/her family is actually chronically in debt and I’ve to deal with that? Even worse, a few months or years into the relationship you start wondering, is this the person I fell in love with? How come he’s getting worse instead of improving? Get me outta here!
There are the less serious ones such as having a partner who’s an evil blanket stealer at night or kicks you in their sleep.Even the smaller ones are no joke though. I stared at a friend’s leg today, she had bruises on it that looked like somone stood on her leg and jumped on it. “Did he bite you when you were sleeping or just dropkicked you off the bed?” Hahahaa.
It put my mind in abit of a whirl y’know. These are my dating filters off the bat:
1. You’re hot.
2. You’re not psycho.
3. You’ve a brain.
4. You’ve fashion sense.
5. You’re good in bed, or I’ll get you there.
6. You’ve character.
7. You come from a decent family.
So what do you think of all the additional filters more and more people have nowadays? Sure its a great method of protecting yourself but doesn’t that take the fun out of dating somewhat? Although upon more thought you still could have 160 filters and still have fun dating lots of people until someone who fit the bill came along, like a charming millionaire who only has you in their eyes maybe.
Of all the above I’d have to say brain stood out the most so far when I look back at my ex gfs. I’ll never bother to understand why someone would wanna date a brainless bimbo or a guy with no ambition for an equivalent comparison unless you just wanted to sleep with them for fun.
Oh I’m stopping here for the night, its time for some R&R now. Weekend starts tomorrow, enjoy it
